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Thursday, January 12, 2006
i am so sad
tonight my baby sister called me with horrible news, she had gone out to see our mom, and said she would call me when she got home, well she did not call so i thought well maybe she fell asleep or something i will call her tomorrow. just then the phone rings, its her, she tells me that her and my bil took my mom to the hospital, she looks awful, she is swollen to 3 times her size as she has not had dialisis, she has been to weak to go, and when my sis and bil got out there to take her some food, they could see how weak she was, how terribly she is suffering, her core temp was 94.5, her bp was way to high, 190/120,her heart was racing at almost 100bpm(beats per minute), she is dying, i know it, have known it, but i am pissed, this sucks, why does mom have to suffer, why can't god just bring her home to his loving arms., i know when mom passes, will be because it is her time, but tonight i prayed that god would take her. i prayed that he would stop her suffering, stop her pain, and give her her freedom she no longer has. is this wrong of me, i feel so guily for thinking this way. i am just heart broken not knowing what to do. my nephew is in texas, wants to come home, there is not any money for plane/bus/or train rides. he is heart broken too. he and his grannie are very close after all, he is the first born grandson. i just needed a place to vent and hope i did not offend anyone by saying i wish god would bring her home to heaven, what is so wrong with this world that when animals are suffering like this with no hope, they will let them go to sleep forever. but they won't people
thats wrong. the laws need to be changed to allow people who are dying to die with dignity. i know thats not even a good thing to suggest as it will truly be gods will when she passes, but why not let someone out of her agony. i am crying tonight, not just for myself, and yes i am doing that too selfishly, but i am crying tonight because of the way my mother is having to live her last few hours on earth. thanks for listening and letting me vent. thanks to fran and trish and jacqui tonight for being there with me and giving me comfort, i love you guys. tomorrow darn well better be a better day, cause this one sucked(:>( i will stop in a minuent, but before i go, i have one request, that you look to the ones who you love the most, even if you are enstranged especially if you are. and thank god for letting you have the chance to make it better. i was one of the lucky ones. we made friends a lomg time ago and thank god we did. so i am off to bed. good night my dear friends, huggggs to you all.


Blogger Raquel said...

awwwwwwwww I feel your pain.Bigs Hugs for you (((((Hugs)))))

Blogger vicki said...

raquel, thank you so much for your care and support. mom right now seems to be holding her own, since she had dialisis yesterday and then also today, the docs said she will be released probably monday to a rehab center. while we know she is not going to get better, we can at least hope she stops suffering. my baby sis says if mom can get strong enough to walk, she can come live there,.(sis is disabled and can not lift) which would be a great thing for mom, but very hard for my sister who has 2 little kids at home and she has a hard time taking care of them sometimes. i will just deal with it as always, leave it up to the lord and let him help her and us also. mom can't walk right now so jesus will carry her until she can. one thing we were lucky in is that she did NOT have a stroke as we thought maybe she had had. thanks again my dear friend for caring huggggs to you too

Blogger Raquel said...

.Good to hear she is getting better.Will continue to Keep your Mom In Prayers.The Good Lord will take care of everything for you and your family.Hugs

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